We will be leaving early tomorrow morning for Minnesota, the service will be Thursday morning. I have spent the last few days going through pictures, which have brought back so many memories.
Today I have been tying up loose ends, booking a hotel, ordering flowers. I went to the card shop to get a sympathy card, oh the pain in my heart as I walked through the store. I saw all the plaques, the figurines,the picture frames, all the little pretties I used to look at whenever I was in the store and decided to pick up a little something for Judy.
I went to the card section and I just couldn't do it, I could not buy one of those cards for Judy's husband or her kids. It would make it too final, too real, I just couldn't.
How am I going to walk into that Chapel tomorrow and know that it is real, she is gone. I am never going to talk to her again. I am never going to be able to hug her again. How can I possibly get up there and talk to her family and friends and tell them how I feel about Judy, about losing Judy?
I don't want to do it, I don't want to face it. I want to stay here, take the phone off the hook and pretend nothing has changed, that I will talk to her Sunday like always and I will ask her if they are coming out to see us in Arizona.
We had it all planned that in the spring they would fly out to see us and then we would all go to San Diego for a few days. She could go see her son and I could go see my niece. We hadn't told the guys yet, we always told them our plans on a need to know basis , after we had all the details worked out.
I truly don't know how to do this. I can't breathe when I try to think about it. I am not a " get in bed and pull the covers over your head " kind of girl. I usually face difficulty head on, but I just don't think I can do it this time.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain