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Sunday, December 21, 2014

Christmas past

I have a friend who just lost her Mom yesterday. Gosh it's hard when death happens around the holidays. But then anytime you lose a loved one the holidays are hard, they are never really the same.  It is like an innocence is taken away from you and you can never get it back. 

Our Mom passed away in 2007 and Christmas changed forever. We tried hard to recreate it but slowly parts of us pulled away, Jay and I started staying in Arizona and the kids were growing up. But when we lost Krystina in 2013 that was it, I don't know that we will ever recover from that.  With our Mom, she had been sick a very long time and although we missed her, still miss her, we are happy she is at rest with no more pain.   But with our darling Krystina, she was just at the cusp of discovering who she was, so young, so vital, so creative.  

I feel guilty that I am not there, thinking that things would be different if I was there. But I know it would not make a difference, we would all get together but everyone would sit there thinking how do we do this.  

I sit and look at my tree and see the ornaments we have had made over the years in their memory.

I wonder how other families do it.  Are they stronger than we are? I wish they would share their secrets with us if they are.  This summer my brother and his family came home for a visit from PA and we all got together several times and I know everyone except a few were at my sisters house for Thanksgiving.  So it's not like we are not there for one another, we are, totally there for one another. But Christmas, Christmas at Momma's house with kids running everywhere and so much food and crazy decorations and presents piled to the ceiling, that's gone, only a memory. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be.  But I would give just about anything to have it back just one more time.

So I am thinking of Tina, burying her Mom the week before Christmas and knowing she has a young one at home I am hoping she still gets to see the joy through his eyes.

Please pray for her and for us and the many others that are missing loved ones this Christmas season.

1 comment:

  1. It is hard and some things will never be the same. We just have to try to make new memories. Each of us has to try a lot harder! Probably starting with me.