WOW, Time Is Flying

I can't believe we will be leaving in less than a month. Where did the summer go? Oh, wait, I know, it went to remodeling houses and ugly scabby rashes and terrible physical pain and losing a best friend in the blink of an eye.
I am kinda glad this summer is over, it was a very hard summer to live through. Now we are gearing up for the trip across the country to Arizona for the winter.
I am going to do a quick weekend trip to Mississippi for a family reunion and then I will be in list making mode.
It is going to be an interesting weekend for Jay. Not only will he have Izzie, he will have my sister's dog Heidi for the weekend. Now that will probably be a story to write about.
Saw the Dr. today and we decided I will continue to use the Oxytocin slow release with a quick release supplement to handle the pain going forward. Possibly some trigger point injection in my elbows when I get to Arizona. When I get back here in the spring I am going to a Pain Specialist to see if there is anything else I can use to get off the narcotics.
It is going to be an interesting winter in Arizona staying out of the sun. My skin is slowly starting to improve but , I will have to be vigilant about the sunscreen and staying out of direct sunlight.
But you know, you do what you have to do, right?

And so It Goes

Ecclesiastes 3 American King James Version To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Judy passed away September 9, 2011.

My niece had her first born son on September 23, 2011, which was my Mom's birthday.
Isn't life amazing, Isn't God amazing.

Time is Ticking Away

It is hard to believe, but our summer stay is almost over. Last night J was starting to make our reservations for the trip to Apache Junction, AZ. There was so much going on this summer, the time just flew by. Figuring out what was going on with my health, remodeling of the house and then Judy's illness and passing.
Normally we wouldn't leave this early, but we have to be in Red Bay for work on the coach the 21 of October. We are going to get the carpet taken out of the bedroom and having tile put in. And I think there are some bedroom lights that are going to be changed out and a different satellite dish put on.
Arizona is going to be really different this winter. My two closest neighbors will not be there, they have bought new home across town. And of course there is the fact I cannot be in the sun anymore. I think I have that under control though, I bought a couple of shirts made out of material that keeps out uva rays, I will make sure I always use plenty of sunscreen and of course we have lots of awning's on the coach and the patio umbrella. I plan on being very, very careful.
I am not really excited about leaving this year. Just doesn't seem like we had enough time at home with family. I suppose I will get excited once we get on the road. I usually do.

Memories

I got a box in the mail today. It is from my best friends husband, he called me yesterday and said he was sending me some mementoes that they had picked out that they thought I would want from Judy. I know the ball is in there. Did I ever tell you about the ball?

We sent this ball back and forth a million times since she moved to Minnesota. She got the idea from her daughter, she and her best friend had been sending one back and forth for years. It is called a friendship ball and it opens on a couple of hinges and you put small gifts inside.

It was so much fun keeping your eyes open for something that reminded you of your friend and would fit in the ball. Of course, eventually we had to send it in a bigger box to hold the things we couldn't fit in the ball. It was like having an extra Birthday or extra Christmas a couple of times a year.

When I first got to the house the night before the funeral, Judy's daughter showed it to me. ( I had asked her to check with her Dad to see if he would mind if I took it for a remembrance.) She told me to look inside, and of course there was something that only Judy would know meant the world to me.

Heather asked if she could keep it until after the service, and although I wondered why I said of course. Imagine my surprise when we got to the church the next day , at the front of the chapel sat a table where the kids had put out things from Judy's life that were important to her. And there, right next to a couple of pictures of the two of us, was the ball, along with a few other friendship items I had sent to Judy over the years. I cannot begin to tell you how that moved me. What beautiful, kind, loving children she raised, to take the time during their grief to remember and honor our friendship.

I have not opened the box yet, I just can't do it yet. Maybe tomorrow, I have time, that is one thing a have a lot of right now, time.

And So It Goes

We are home. The service was beautiful, Jude's children put together a warm, personal, loving tribute to their Mom. We all spoke from our hearts and celebrated the life of a loving, caring, wonderful Wife, Mom, Sister and Friend.
It is still hard for me to except that she is gone. I just can't understand how we could be in Door County, having a great time together and less than a month later she is gone. It is strange how the grief comes and goes in waves.
I am embarrassed to say I am still a little angry at her, no truthfully I am a lot angry at her. I just don't understand why she didn't tell me when she found out in July that she was ill. We told each other everything. The only conclusion I can come to is she knew I would insist that she search heaven and earth for something, anything that would keep her alive.
Judy's Mom suffered from Emphysema and COPD, she had a long, painful decline before she died. She was in a wheelchair, on oxygen, she struggled for every breath. I think Judy saw that as her future and didn't want it.
Then other times I think, not possible, Judy wouldn't give up that easy. She couldn't have possibly know how sick she was. And then there are times when I am looking at things straight on and I realize I will never know. I should stop dwelling on what if.
One of my favorite sayings is " It is what it is, it ain't what it ain't ". I need to take that to heart and move on. I know there is a process to go through, that it will take time, that I will have good days, with good memories and bad days with grief for not having her friendship any more. So I will tell myself what I told Judy's daughter the day after the service, " One Day at a Time, we will do it One Day at a Time.

A-Z

I have seen this post on a few blogs and thought it would be fun to do.
A. Age: 62
B. Bed size: Queen, shared with J and Iz.
C. Chore that you hate: Oh, I hate so many of them, but the first on my list is probably cleaning bathtub.
D. Dogs: I love my Havanese Izzie.
E. Essential start to your day: Starbucks coffee, fiber one and blueberries.
F. Favorite color: Black, really, black then gray.
G. Gold or Silver: Gold, always gold.
H. Height: 5’6"
I. Instruments you play: Zero, a big fat zero, but I adore all music especially preformed live. I have always thought that all those talented people who play instruments or sing with their wonderful voices need someone to listen and appreciate their talents and that's where I come in.
J. Job title: Today, member of the every day is Saturday club, before retired, executive officer of bank.
K. Kids: Just my Iz, and lots of nieces and nephews.
L. Live: We live in Shorewood , Il 5 months, Apache Junction 5 months, anywhere and everywhere the rest of the time.
M. Mother’s name: Was Margie.
N. Nicknames: Joycie, Auntie Joycie and my favorite, sweetie punkin'
O. Overnight hospital stays: Oh too many to list.
P. Pet peeves: Tardiness, mean spirited people.
Q. Quote from a movie: After all, tomorrow is another day! GONE WITH THE WIND 1939
R. Right or left handed: Left handed!
S. Siblings: Older sister, two younger brothers, younger sister.
T. Time you wake up: 7:30 or so.
U. Underwear: Of course, are you kidding me?
V. Vegetable you hate: Turnips.W. What makes you run late:Trying to decide what to wear.
X. X-Rays you’ve had: A gazillion of them. Every single part of my body.
Y. Yummy food that you make: guacamole., Z. Zoo animal: Pandas, I love the pandas, even though all they do is sit and eat.

Sunday Praise

To everything there is a season,a time for every purpose under the sun.A time to be born and a time to die;a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;a time to kill and a time to heal ...a time to weep and a time to laugh;a time to mourn and a time to dance ...a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;a time to lose and a time to seek;a time to rend and a time to sew;a time to keep silent and a time to speak;a time to love and a time to hate;a time for war and a time for peace.
ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Traveling Mercies

Today we are on our way to Minnesota, please pray traveling mercies for us, it is a long drive, about 8 hours.
We are hoping to leave early enough to drop off Iz at my sisters and make it there in time to see Judy's family before we check into the hotel.
The service will be at 11:00 am on Thursday. If we are able we plan on leaving right after the service and driving straight home. I don't know if we will be able to do that. We are used to driving 4 or 5 hours in the coach and then stopping. This will be about 8 hours in the car and then spending the night in a hotel.
It has been about 5 years since we have stayed anywhere except at the stick house or the coach.

Izzie is going to spend the night at my sister's, first time she has ever stayed away from us, I don't think my poor sister will get much sleep.
If Iz does good at my sister's the first night we might just drive half way on Friday and spend the night in Madison and get home Friday. I think we have to accept we are not as young as we used to be.
Please remember me these next few days, Pray that I have the strength to do what I need to do to remember and honor the friendship Judy and I had.
I am so sad I cannot put it into words. Thanks to all of you who wished me well and given me works of support.

How do I do this?

We will be leaving early tomorrow morning for Minnesota, the service will be Thursday morning. I have spent the last few days going through pictures, which have brought back so many memories.
Today I have been tying up loose ends, booking a hotel, ordering flowers. I went to the card shop to get a sympathy card, oh the pain in my heart as I walked through the store. I saw all the plaques, the figurines,the picture frames, all the little pretties I used to look at whenever I was in the store and decided to pick up a little something for Judy.
I went to the card section and I just couldn't do it, I could not buy one of those cards for Judy's husband or her kids. It would make it too final, too real, I just couldn't.
How am I going to walk into that Chapel tomorrow and know that it is real, she is gone. I am never going to talk to her again. I am never going to be able to hug her again. How can I possibly get up there and talk to her family and friends and tell them how I feel about Judy, about losing Judy?
I don't want to do it, I don't want to face it. I want to stay here, take the phone off the hook and pretend nothing has changed, that I will talk to her Sunday like always and I will ask her if they are coming out to see us in Arizona.
We had it all planned that in the spring they would fly out to see us and then we would all go to San Diego for a few days. She could go see her son and I could go see my niece. We hadn't told the guys yet, we always told them our plans on a need to know basis , after we had all the details worked out.
I truly don't know how to do this. I can't breathe when I try to think about it. I am not a " get in bed and pull the covers over your head " kind of girl. I usually face difficulty head on, but I just don't think I can do it this time.

I am thankful

1. I am thankful that I have had the same bff for over 27 years.

2. I am thankful for beautiful fall weather.

3. Friends and family, who love me and tell me so often.

4. I am thankful for my big blue box. ( huge, seen better days foot stool)
5. For how easy it is to keep hardwood floors clean.
6. My husband is such a hard worker.
7. My hard working husband gets up with Izzie early morning and let's me sleep.
8. I wake up every morning to the smell of fresh brewing Starbuck's (thanks to the hwh).
9. Black coffee.
10. My new iphone ( I will really like to use it when I learn how to use it.
**I hate when something happens, like the different size font and I can't do a thing about it!

9/11

If you are my age there are a few days in your life that are frozen in time. When ever any one mentions those dates you can remember exactly where you were, what your were doing. For me there are three. The day President Kennedy was killed, the day Martin Luther King, Jr. was killed and 9/11..
We were gathered to begin the monthly branch manager's meeting in the conference room of the bank I managed. Someone received a call from home, we were being attacked. We pulled out the TV we used for training and so it began. My sister was on a plane in Chicago, it took hours before we could speak with her.
After about a hour of watching the TV, the "boss" we had at the time said OK folks doesn't matter if the world is ending, we have a business to run till it does. (what a jerk he was) I remember thinking, our world will never be the same and it hasn't.
I think those last few minutes before the planes hit, were the last time I really felt safe.
God Bless all those who lost their lives on that day and their families. God bless all those who struggle with health issues today because they put aside their own safety in order to help.

She Has Taken Wings

Judith Ann Hartman

8/2/1948 -9/9/2011

Some glad morning when this life is o'er, I'll fly away; To a home on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away (I'll fly away). I'll fly away, Oh Glory I'll fly away; (in the morning) When I die, Hallelujah, by and by, I'll fly away (I'll fly away).
When the shadows of this life have gone, I'll fly away; Like a bird from prison bars has flown, I'll fly away (I'll fly away)

Just a few more weary days and then, I'll fly away; To a land where joy shall never end, I'll fly away (I'll fly away)

It is Amazing

Oh my what a horrible roller coaster it has been. The last time I posted I told you I was on my way to tell my friend good bye.
Before I got the suitcase packed her husband called me and said just I don't think you will make it before she is gone, you should just wait and come for the service. So I unpacked the suitcase, but didn't put it away cause I knew we would be going soon.
The next day Judy's husband called and said she had stabilized, not it a good way, but she was just there on the edge of making her journey home. The doctors wanted to start removing the medicines they were giving her gradually, they thought there was the chance she might come back long enough to say good bye, he is going to call me if that happens so I can go to her and say good bye.
They started taking away the drug support slowly today, ( I can't begin to explain everything they have been doing, but they had her body paralyzed and started taking way the paralytic drug today). As of tonight there has been no change. I got a text from her daughter at 1:30 this afternoon, the whole family is there ( they have been living around the clock in the ICU waiting room) and they are just waiting, waiting to see what will happen.
The human body is an amazing thing, the knowledge the medical community has is an amazing thing, the love you can have for another person is an amazing thing, our GOD is amazing.
I feel in my heart this is drawing to a close, I thank all of you who have been so supportive and kind.

It is time

I am going to see my dear friend tomorrow. I have agonized for days whether it would be intruding to her family for me to come. Today her daughter called me and told me if I needed to see her come, they considered me family and I was welcome. So I am going. Please pray for me it is a 7 hour trip, you know I have not been well but I feel in my heart this is the right way for Judy and I to say our good byes. Please pray traveling mercies for me. I will go up and say good bye and then come right back home and then Jay will go back with me for services. Thank all of you for your prayers and support.

Update

I guess I can't really call this an update, because nothing has changed. She is still with us, there is still an opportunity for that miracle, that is good, very, very good. This picture was taken by her daughter in law this summer when the whole family was together. Doesn't Judy look happy, she was, she loves nothing more than having her whole family together. They are spread out across the country and she was so thrilled they were getting together. When we were in Door County, before they left for this trip, we talked for hours about all the fun things they were going to do. The last few weeks when we talked she recapped everything they had done and all the fun they had. I was so happy for her, she deserved that time.

Her family is with her now, they are all together and I pray she can feel them, know that they are there willing her to fight. Hang on Judy, fight, fight like you have never fought before.

Why

She is on life support. How am I supposed to go on without my best friend. Please fight Judy, I need you in my life.

Sunday Praise

When my way is hedged about me, hedged with thorns of care;When the cross I loved so dearly, seems too hard to bear;When my heart is bowed with sorrow, and no light I see—Lord, Thy tender mercy pleading, let me lean on Thee.
O, for faith to cast behind me every sad complaint—Faith to run and not be weary, walk and never faint;Thou dost know and feel my weakness, Savior look on me;Now Thy tender mercy pleading, let me lean on Thee.
Closer let Thine arms enfold me, closer to Thy breastDraw my weary, trembling spirit, calm its doubts to rest;Give me strength for every burden Thou hast borne for me;Lord, Thy tender mercy pleading, let me lean on Thee.

Prayer Request

This is a picture of my best friend Judy, going down a zip line in Hawaii. This woman is fearless.

Just weeks ago she was riding the rides at Disney Land, fractured a disc and didn't even know. She also just got her first tattoo at 63.

I think that is why we are best friends, because she see's the glass half full, while I usually see it half empty, she is brave enough to just step out and do it, while I cower in the corner analyzing the risks.

When I talked with her today, things had changed drastically, the oxygen was back up to 9, yesterday it was down to three. She has been sick all day, they are getting rid of fluid buildup with Lasix. She sounded so defeated tonight, that scares me more than anything. Please continue to lift her up in your prayers.